Sometimes I am so focused on the emotional wound and the sorrow and pain that is attached, It is hard to see the wisdom that is hidden by it. Knowing the emotions or experiences that I have had in the past, all I could do at times is just sticking to the emotional wound. Trying to explain, to see with detachment so to speak in order to understand. Because that is where my focus lied. Trying to understand the way human nature functions. What makes us tick, how do we react and how do we respond to others. Love is the easy part, we all are feeling sheltered and taken care for when we are loved. Love myself is at times a different matter. Sometimes more feeling guilty about what has happened because I was told so.
It has been playing inside my head so many times, what had happened and how I still react on the event that took place. The image that came with it, the intense sense of fear as well the physical infliction. My hands were tied and I had no control over the situation let alone the outcome. All I knew was the emotional wound that is manifested in my body still, even now. Yet it is a memory of something that happened to me a long time ago. So I was presented a gift as a matter of speech, taking a look at the real manifestation. In order to find the wisdom that was beneath it, I had to let go. Not forcing, not working hard to make it so. I had to let it go, as a rock that tumbles in the riverbed created by the flow and force.
I held my breath when it dawned upon me. Yes beneath the experience of abuse also lies a message and truth, creating a clear view on the event and the ones involved. When innocence is been taken by force, physically, it shows the lack of insight as well respect. I discovered it wasn’t me that lost my innocence. It was all about power, or at least an image they had about power. Yet the amount of force they had to use to empower, shows how little respect and self-worth, let alone self-love existed. It dawned on me, that even though I was a victim of the abuse, I wasn’t the one inflicting it on myself. I didn’t lose my innocence, for I am more than just a body. I am a spark of light and love, which couldn’t be destroyed.
Truth is, the one who is no longer connected with this light and love inside, lost a lot more. They lost their innocence, the respect for life as well the ability to have compassion, kindness, empathy. I understand the impact this has on their soul. It is way harder to regain that core connection within, when you are separated from it. I didn’t lose my connection although I had a difficult time dealing with the consequences. I still feel love, compassion and kindness. Not just for other people, also for myself. My truth didn’t got damaged by this brutal attack. They lost more than just their dignity. If you can only create a life by fear, domination, brutal physical attacks, as well manipulation in order to feel stronger, then there is a lack of love.
So every experience I came across through lifetimes expressing this attack on my innocence as a soul, there was always the opposite to be learned. How can I have compassion and love for my oppressors, while they are not showing any kind of those elements that is connected with the heart, we call love.
High Self @RheaDopmeijer ©