I came into this world as an only daughter... Much like others, my sensitivity was felt at a very early age, but ignored by everyone around me. I had one brother and my mother was a single parent to both of us. Much of my childhood consisted of my mother feeling like she had to compete with me. Til' this day, I'm not sure what for, but much of that part of my life is set aside in previous chapters that remain buried under the chapters of who I am now.
Before my life started to change I faced many twists and turns that I thought I deserved. Instead of seeing it as a lesson, I viewed everything that was happening in my life as a punishment for something I hadn't done for someone, or just not being good enough. I went through many trials ranging from abuse as a child and into my adult years to my best friend of 13 years being so extremely envious she decided to do the unthinkable and flipped my entire family and our lives upside down in the moment I thought everything was getting better.
My catalyst for change was a combination of events. Two months after I gave my daughter up for adoption, my father who I felt I was just getting to know had passed from spinal cancer. My mother's support left something to be desired and every friend that I had bailed on me in the middle of it all. I had taken my last beating from my ex and I ran. I ran from everything and everyone I knew. I had no idea where I was going, what it would entail or where it would lead me and my oldest three children, but I was convinced that there had to be something better out there for us. Everything I loved, everyone I loved aside from my children, fell away from me and it twisted at every ounce of who I was. At that moment I had realized I was living for everyone but myself.
How I changed: As painful as it was for me to do. I forced myself to sit outside, in the midst of nature and reflect on everything in my life. Everything that had taken place and everything I thought I was. To remember and deal with the pain rather than run from it was the hardest thing I've ever faced. I realized that all of the negativity and the hurt never really left me. It just sat quietly waiting to come through the surface. I began sifting through layers and years of I buried and tried to ignore. After weeks and months of going through everything that was hidden for so long, I heard the voice of someone very dear to me, it was someone I didn't even know existed, my spirit guide. For years I thought I was alone and that no one cared to listen or know what I had gone through because everyone vacated my life. Until the night I closed my eyes and was on the borderline between asleep and awake. I said "If there is anyone listening,if I have a spirit guide. can I please hear your voice?" In that moment, his voice chimed in. "I've been waiting so long for you to call on me for help. I'm so proud of you for reaching this moment." It was an emotional experience. One that made me cry for hours. It was my validation that everything I was doing was the right thing for me, and I was on the right path.
What I learned about myself was that I am ALWAYS learning about myself. The growth never stops and neither does the learning. I also learned that I am an authentic, one of a kind soul. I learned not to give up on myself so easily and that regardless of the events that take place, I am right where I need to be at this very moment. I learned that the depth of love I feel for humanity, nature and animals should not be drowned by the illusions of who society expect me to be. That's why I was completely elated when I was invited to "Connecting the light energies."
The positive way it has impacted my life are growing every day. I've become more receptive to my surroundings, other's emotions and the truth that is not heard. i approach life with a curiosity and thirst for knowledge that I didn't hold in the past. And, I make myself available to help others more every day whether it be through my writing or through just listening. I am the Haven for my immediate surroundings and although I can not change everything in the world for the better, I can make a small change in each person I meet by just loving them as my fellow spirit.
The positive ways that my transformation has affected others’ lives. My friends and family who don't think I'm completely nuts ( :) ) call me their own personal angel, their "safe haven". Those around me know they can come to me and know that I'm truly listening and helping with the intention of love. They know I don't expect anything in return. Even if they decide to never return, they leave my home feeling loved and cared for. It's certainly something that stays with them wherever they decide to travel, they will always remember the feeling of love and the amazing energy they received while with me. They will never leave without knowing that someone truly loves them for exactly who they are. That alone makes others want to make more positive changes and I've seen the ripples from it.
Vivienne is absolutely right when she said "We have everything we need inside of us." Digging through the layers of your journey can be heart wrenching but it is well worth the journey! Only then can you strip away everything that you've been taught and start to rebuild yourself and find out your true life purpose.
Thanks for allowing me to share my story with you!
Love and Light to you all!
Sincerely, Amber M. Royse